365 Puns! - A Pun a Day for you!

Admin — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 06:11:07 +0000

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

ll ll

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto!
We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

“Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day.

Won’t be Stale

Admin — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 06:30:54 +0000

When a new store selling wild bird seed opened, a long established competitor hung out a big poster that read: “I’ve been doing business in this spot for over 50 years.”

The owner of the new store then posted his own sign: “Established a week ago - no old seed”

Police Station Robbery

Admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 06:01:41 +0000

Did you hear about the robbery at the police station?

Thieves stole all the toilets. The police have nothing to go on.

Private?

Admin — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:57:02 +0000

While my brother in law, Dave Meeting, was in the Army, he had a desk job and his own office. At coffee breaks, he listened to the officers complain about how they couldn’t get their work done with all the interruptions. Once he got promoted, he knew what they were talking about. That’s when they changed the nameplate on his door- to Corporal Meeting, from Private Meeting.

Frozen Geese

Admin — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 07:53:48 +0000

The local fire department got a call that a flock of geese were stuck in a frozen lake. So a rescue team crawled out onto the ice, pushing a boar and ice-breaking tools. They got within three yards- and the flock flew off. The men were left staring at open water.

“So how’d it go?” someone back at the station asked.

“Wild goose chase” was the reply.

Hungry Termite

Admin — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 07:53:11 +0000

Did you hear the one about the termite who walked into a pub and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

A Shot of your Best Scotch

Admin — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 07:00:01 +0000

Finally, after six girls, Luke’s wife had a boy. But he had only a head - nothing else. Luke didn’t care, though. He was just happy to have a boy.

On his 21st birthday, Luke took him to a bar. “A shot of your best Scotch,” he ordered.

The boy drank it and - poof- he grew a neck. Amazed, Luke then ordered another and - POP - a torso sprouted. “Keep em’ coming!” Luke shouted. Eventually the boy had a whole body. Everyone cheered, his father loudest of all.

Tipsy, the boy stood on his new legs and stumbled to the left… and to the right… and out the front door and into the path of a truck.

The bar fell silent.

“You know,” the bartender said. “He should’ve quit while he was a head.”

Flock of Terns

Admin — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:19:18 +0000

Following months of marijuana busts, the DEA burned the contraband in a remote region.

The fire was blazing brightly when an agent noticed a flock of terns was flying around the area. Concerned about the effects of the smoke on the birds, the DEA called the National Aububon Society.

There fears were confirmed. There was not one tern left unstoned.

Rooster Crow

Admin — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:25:05 +0000

A neighbor had invited some people, including our minister, over for dinner. On the menu were stuffing, peas, and baked chicken.

As we prepared to eat, we were serenaded by a crowing rooster.

“Listen to that rooster,” said one of the guests.

Glancing at our paster digging into his chicken, the host said, “You’d crow too, if your child was going into the clergy.”

Tree House Eviction?

Admin — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 02:26:49 +0000

Did you hear about this family who was evicted from their tree house?

The bank says they didn’t pay their mortgage, but the family says it’s a mix-up because they recently switched branches.