Did you hear the one about the termite who walked into a pub and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

Finally, after six girls, Luke’s wife had a boy. But he had only a head - nothing else. Luke didn’t care, though. He was just happy to have a boy.

On his 21st birthday, Luke took him to a bar. “A shot of your best Scotch,” he ordered.

The boy drank it and - poof- he grew a neck. Amazed, Luke then ordered another and - POP - a torso sprouted. “Keep em’ coming!” Luke shouted. Eventually the boy had a whole body. Everyone cheered, his father loudest of all.

Tipsy, the boy stood on his new legs and stumbled to the left… and to the right… and out the front door and into the path of a truck.

The bar fell silent.

“You know,” the bartender said. “He should’ve quit while he was a head.”

Following months of marijuana busts, the DEA burned the contraband in a remote region.

The fire was blazing brightly when an agent noticed a flock of terns was flying around the area.  Concerned about the effects of the smoke on the birds, the DEA called the National Aububon Society.

There fears were confirmed.  There was not one tern left unstoned.

A neighbor had invited some people, including our minister, over for dinner.  On the menu were stuffing, peas, and baked chicken.

As we prepared to eat, we were serenaded by a crowing rooster.

“Listen to that rooster,” said one of the guests.

Glancing at our paster digging into his chicken, the host said, “You’d crow too, if your child was going into the clergy.”

Did you hear about this family who was evicted from their tree house?

The bank says they didn’t pay their mortgage, but the family says it’s a mix-up because they recently switched branches.