Did you hear about the robbery at the police station?

Thieves stole all the toilets. The police have nothing to go on.

While my brother in law, Dave Meeting, was in the Army, he had a desk job and his own office.  At coffee breaks, he listened to the officers complain about how they couldn’t get their work done with all the interruptions.  Once he got promoted, he knew what they were talking about.  That’s when they changed the nameplate on his door- to Corporal Meeting, from Private Meeting.

The local fire department got a call that a flock of geese were stuck in a frozen lake. So a rescue team crawled out onto the ice, pushing a boar and ice-breaking tools. They got within three yards- and the flock flew off. The men were left staring at open water.

“So how’d it go?” someone back at the station asked.

“Wild goose chase” was the reply.

Did you hear the one about the termite who walked into a pub and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

Finally, after six girls, Luke’s wife had a boy. But he had only a head - nothing else. Luke didn’t care, though. He was just happy to have a boy.

On his 21st birthday, Luke took him to a bar. “A shot of your best Scotch,” he ordered.

The boy drank it and - poof- he grew a neck. Amazed, Luke then ordered another and - POP - a torso sprouted. “Keep em’ coming!” Luke shouted. Eventually the boy had a whole body. Everyone cheered, his father loudest of all.

Tipsy, the boy stood on his new legs and stumbled to the left… and to the right… and out the front door and into the path of a truck.

The bar fell silent.

“You know,” the bartender said. “He should’ve quit while he was a head.”